Memes about parenthood are everywhere. They are usually funny or silly, and maybe a tiny bit uncouth. Jokes about no sleep, exhaustion, and the unending touching are felt (and really felt) by so many parents. Many parents, though, are holding a special memory to their heart when they see those memes. Tens of thousands of parents are reminded of their little ones who are not here. Parents like the amazing women featured above. With strength, they continue to do the impossible - parent, work, maintain relationships, and live beautiful lives.
 | I am a local mom just like you and was struck by a gorgeous rainbow image in a local parents group. Hoschton photographer, Amanda Touchstone, inspired by her own story, hoped to create a photographic art image of parents who have experienced loss and their “rainbow babies.” Rainbow babies, just like rainbows in the sky after a storm, are named such because they bring such hope after loss. Incidentally, October is also Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss Awareness Month. Once she shared on the Braselton Mom’s Group on Facebook, the replies, likes, and hearts flew. This image spoke to so many of them, so I asked if I could tell their story! |
Amanda, a self-taught photographer with a fledgling business, just picked up a camera a few years ago on a whim. “My husband bought me a camera and I thought I’d do it as a hobby,” she said. Soon she wanted to know and learn more, so she pulled up YouTube, did her research, and got to shooting. This project is particularly special to Amanda because of her own journey, both professionally and personally.
Working as a NICU nurse at Northside Gwinnett Hospital, she often “sees infant loss…and parents who are having their rainbow baby.” Both of those experiences and the journey, she thinks, should be celebrated. She is also raising a 2-year-old son, a blessing that came after a “long journey” and “several losses,” she shares. Amanda is even featured in the above image! When another mom had to bow out of the photoshoot, Amanda stepped in with her little one to complete the rainbow.
I got the chance to speak with two moms in the photo who were interested in telling their story of pregnancy loss. I am humbled by the opportunity to tell their stories here.
Samantha Botas decided to volunteer for the photoshoot after a neighbor shared the post with her. She said it was “in honor of my angel baby.” Samantha is mom to six children - ages 16, 15, 12, 4, 2.5, and 9 months. With teenagers, toddlers, and babies, “it’s chaos.” During her fourth pregnancy, “it was a missed miscarriage at eight weeks” but “my body didn’t know it until later,” she said. She “panicked” when she saw some light spotting at 11 weeks. It was confirmed at the emergency room that her baby was gone, but her body showed no other signs. Four days later was the scheduled D&C. Last Friday, October 21 was the anniversary of Samantha’s miscarriage.
“After I agreed to be in the photoshoot,” Samantha said, “all these things were lining up.” “The original location had an O in the name and it stood for Oliver - that was the name I had picked out for my baby. It was the anniversary of the miscarriage and I had been seeing cardinals in my yard.” Cardinals, in many traditions, are a symbol of comfort and hope after loss. Samantha continued, “It was so beautiful, what Amanda did…it was a celebration of our babies.”
Another local mom who took part in the photoshoot was Ashley McIntyre, who’s mom to two sweet girls. In September of 2020, that wasn’t her and her husband’s reality when an ultrasound tech said, “I’m so sorry, but there’s no heartbeat.” Their baby had stopped growing just days after her initial ultrasound appointment four weeks earlier. It was a missed miscarriage. Due to quarantine and testing requirements during the COVID-19 pandemic, Ashley’s D&C procedure was scheduled out a week. It gave her time to get another ultrasound to be sure the baby was gone, but also meant that she miscarried at home.
Ashley was frank and open with me about her experience and the pain that she still feels to this day. “The grief still hits me out of nowhere today. I often wonder what he/she would have looked like, what they would be doing, etc.,” she shares. She also said that talking about her miscarriage has helped her in the grieving process. “I originally did not think I would be very open about my story and my experience, but talking about my miscarriage has helped me grieve,” she shares. After processing together and deciding to try again, Ashley and her husband found out they were expecting their rainbow baby in February of 2021. Their birth story ends in joy, with another baby girl to bless their family, though “delivery ended up being completely terrifying,” said Ashley, due to a nuchal cord, where the umbilical cord wraps around the baby’s neck. Little Sophie did spend time in the NICU after birth, taken care of by Ashley’s co-workers, but now, Ashley says, “she brings me so much joy and happiness and the healing I needed. She’ll always be my rainbow baby.”
To Amanda, Samantha, and Ashley, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing your stories with me and my readers. Pregnancy, infant, and child loss is unthinkable, tragic, and so unbelievably painful for the tens of thousands of families that think of their angel babies daily. According to Pregnancy After Loss Support (PALS), “in the United States, 1 in every 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 1 in every 160 pregnancies end in stillbirth.” To any other woman or parent who has gone through a similar loss, you are not alone. There is support for you now and hope, even a rainbow, to come.
If you have experienced pregnancy, infant, or child loss and need support, please check out these organizations & resources:
- Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support: https://nationalshare.org/georgia/
- Star Legacy Foundation: https://starlegacyfoundation.org/
- Pregnancy After Loss Support (PALS): https://pregnancyafterlosssupport.org/get-involved/pail-awareness-month/
- Rachel’s Gift: https://www.rachelsgift.org/grief-support.html
Have a local story you would like to tell? Email us at mackidwinder@macaronikid.com
